Freaked out about parenting

Today Nate and I attended an infant care class in North Platte taught by a nurse through the adoption agency we're working with. It was only two hours long, but it gave me a good picture of how much I don't know...how unprepared I feel to parent.

I haven't done a good job of learning about cribs, formula, car seats, immunizations, etc. First--I don't know where to start. Second--I don't know when to start researching. As prospective adoptive parents, we have no timetable. It could be three months until we're parents...it could be five years. It could be never. The final reason why I don't think I've taken the parenting research plunge is because I don't have that constant reminder that I'm going to be a parent like pregnant couples have. I don't spend my free time dwelling on parenting because, emotionally, I can't. Right now, because we have no timetable, parenting is not on the forefront of my mind. Maybe that makes me a terrible person....I don't know.

What I do know is that today I'm freaked out about parenting. What if we get placed with a child in the next coming months? Will we be ready? I know that we'll learn---I know that we'll do all we can to provide a loving, stable environment for our child---but it scares me (and at the same time fills me with joy) to think that one day we could be living child-free and then the next we could be bringing home a baby. What a mixed bag of emotions!

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