This picture is a good indicator of my current state of mind. I am fighting the overwhelming urge to scream and quit a few things. Stress is taking hold of me--I can feel it in my shoulders.

Teaching three classes isn't so bad, but throw in leading the high school Student Assistance Team, figuring out how to pilot iPads for two weeks in my English 12 class, coaching the quiz bowl team, directing a musical, taking a graduate class that I'm over four weeks behind in, and planning a workshop that I'm leading at a conference in Arkansas this spring is killing me. I haven't even mentioned anything that deals with my personal life: training for a half-marathon so I stay healthy and feel like I've accomplished something other than just in my job, writing (one of my stress relievers), singing and playing more guitar, the adoption process....oh and being a wife. Seriously. What have I done to myself?

Today I've found myself in a race against time---and time keeps winning. It's 3:37, and I still need to get groceries for the next week, read and grade 23 student journals, attempt to close the gap in weeks that I'm behind for my current graduate class, make dinner, and tackle the massive load of laundry that's been taunting me for a week.

Someone at church this morning asked us if, once we are placed with a child, I would continue teaching or stay home. More and more I am thinking about staying home. Though I love what I do and am passionate about teaching and improving the quality of education, I just don't know if I can handle everything. We have no kids right now and I feel like I'm barely giving myself enough time to breath...I don't want to be a stressed out mom who has no time for her kids.

For now, I'll keep plugging away; let's hope I don't have a serious breakdown this week...because I don't have any time to spare!

1 comment:

Amy said...

Hang in there and do what you can. If something does not get your full attention, it will not be the end of the world. I have quickly learned from experience that stress only compounds everything that much more. I know you will get everything done - just take it one day at a time! And if there is anything we can do to help from this side of the state, let us know!