This week we are venturing to Omaha for a two day training session with Nebraska Children's Home Society for prospective adoptive parents. After that, if we're still interested in moving forward with NCHS, we'll be assigned a case-worker and begin the homestudy process.
As we get ready for this next step, there's a lot going on in my mind. Over Christmas break I really struggled with figuring out what plan God had for me with our adoption (side note: this is a huge downfall of mine--I'm a type A control freak who always has to be "in the know"). I do feel that God has given me this beautiful burden so I can relate to and reach out to others who are in a similar situation. And though it's been painful, our infertility has brought my husband and me closer together and more importantly, has given me a deeper relationship with our Maker. I truly see Him as a father figure now---a comforting, just provider. But...I'm scared to death that part of God's plan for us is...more waiting. I fear that we'll have to wait another year, two years, or even more until we are placed with a child. I don't know if my heart can bear it.
A friend of mine (more about this later) emailed me today with a copy of a Puritan Prayer--The Valley of Vision. It reminds me that there is something to be learned and even gained by walking through valleys...even though it might be painful. I always tell my students that they grow and learn the most when they stretch themselves; full growth is not attained when we remain in our comfort zones.