Adoption is built on loss

After our two-day meetings at the Nebraska Children's Home, one thing really sticks out to me: adoption is built on loss. Adoption is nobody's first choice. From what we learned about birth mothers and listening to a few birth mothers speak, making an adoption plan for their child isn't their first choice. For adoptive parents their first choice is conceiving children, but when that fails or after that has been done--people chose to adopt. I remember hearing one of the case workers say that adoption is nobody's first choice, and I wrote it down. It was one of maybe five things I wrote down during the whole two days (I didn't take many notes because I was so emotionally drained that I couldn't bring myself to put pen to paper). And three days later, this thought still resonates with me.

I just finished reading Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother and in it, the author reveals her concerns about adopting her son--she shares her apprehension about parenting a black child, her struggles to bond with her new son and claim him as her own, bringing up her black child in a racist society, and laments her infertility. It's a great book because it's so honest. The author, Jana Wolff, writes, "Adoption is a bittersweet solution to a two-way problem. Sweet, because a baby in need of a home finds a home in need of a baby. But bitter because it is nobody's first choice, and the baby will grow up one day to understand that" (111).

Many people see adoption as this beautiful thing that is all rainbows and butterflies. And it is at times---but it is also painful and built on loss. I can't begin to imagine the day when our adopted child is old enough to realize this. What emotions will he/she feel? Am I equipped to deal with it? It's an overwhelming flood of emotions when you think of adoption in this light....

1 comment:

Erin said...

Only by God's grace can we (do we GET to) serve a fellow little soul through adoption. I too was surprised by the butterfly-less side of adoption we learned of in our classes. I have freaked out about it numerous times. Anyhoo, what I am sure of that Jesus NEVER has to go to His second choice. My second son has a tough road ahead of him, but he won't be called to walk it alone. My little one's story was written before any mama had to make a choice. I know my Jesus loves him more than any mama ever could. Don't let the wisdom of the world scare you for long. There are crazy heavy emotions involved and they get immeasurably heavier when this little one comes home with you. Your heart WILL break along with theirs. All I can say is that we are to carry them to the cross, and show them truth. Christ is the treasure. Not a birth family. Not an adoptive family. Not an easy life. Not a life free of struggles. Christ is the only treasure. And if by walking this road, my little one and I know Christ better at the end, then blessed be the name of the Lord.