We ran into yet another hang up with our adoption paperwork a few weeks ago (a paper someone forgot to give us to fill out) that set us back. Our caseworker then sent off all of our paperwork on a Thursday, but the person who did the initial intake paperwork in the main office--her last day was the next day. We had no idea if the replacement was trained to process our paperwork or if there was even a replacement hired. We waited about two weeks before we called the main office to check on it. They had received it, but it hadn't been processed yet. So....we were told to wait...again. At that point, I was pretty indifferent. I wanted to get worked up about it and be pissed off, but really---what was another week?
Today Nate called me to say that our caseworker called him to let him know the main office had processed our paperwork and was sending out a letter today to notify us that we'd been placed in the "pool" with other waiting couples. This is the news I've been waiting to hear for about two months now. So, I expected to be ecstatic. But to be honest...what I felt was fear. A pit in my stomach that spread to my throat, tightening it.
This process--infertility and adoption--though we've been at it three years now is all still new and unpredictable. I've learned that my expectations won't always be met---whether it's expectations about the adoption process or expectations about what emotions I'd have throughout the road to adoption. It's a bit unnerving because I'm unsure of how to not have expectations. It's definitely taking a lot of prayer.
I read an article recently in Adoptive Families that advised waiting couples to celebrate every milestone...and being placed on the list (though it's not quite official until we have that letter) is certainly a milestone. I want to celebrate---but I also want to guard my heart to protect it from any other bumps in the road we might experience. Nonetheless---I am relieved that there seems to be an end to the paper trail we've been chasing for ten months!