Working Through Insecurities

I am an extremely insecure person. I like to think that I appear as a confident, strong woman who knows where she is going in life. But---the more I experience life, the more I realize I am not this person. I am more of an anxiety-filled dreamer who has no clue what she wants to do with her life! Here are a few of my insecurities:
  • Coaching---I have NO idea what I'm doing. I don't really know how to coach kids, and I don't know a lot about the physiological aspects of running. Though I really enjoyed my time with XC this year, I had a lot of anxieties during the season due to my lack of knowledge.
  • Teaching--I second guess myself a lot. Should I teach composition alongside literature? Am I inspiring my students to be active, considerate, and caring people? Should I be doing more with grammar? How can I teach writing more effectively? Am I too hard on my students? Questions like this swirl in my mind all day...
  • My role as a wife--There have been many moments where I have had insecurities about my physical appearance and moments where I've questioned if I really fit that mold of what a wife should act like....this is partly due to my lack of femininity.
  • My future--As I near the end of my master's program, I feel like I need to make a decision on what to do next. PhD? Keep teaching? Do I want to be a stay at home mom?
  • How I will be as a mom---Though we don't even have kids yet, starting the adoption process has made me stop and wonder---will I be a good mom? Sometimes I can barely handle my classroom, how will I be able to handle my own kids?!? Since we're not having children the "natural" way--will I have that motherly instinct that other women have?
It's numbing to think about all of these. It's funny because I'm actually typing this while sitting on the floor of the unfinished part of our basement---it's cold, dark, and gloomy, and it fits my mood perfectly. These insecurities have really affected me this year; they've caused me a lot of late nights. But---as I've worked through these insecurities, I've learned one thing: God is bigger than all of them. Incredible! Here are a few verses that have been a huge comfort to me in my time of anxiety--Hopefully if you're experiencing something similar, the verses will be encouraging to you:

"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." --Psalm 37:5

"So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we ear?' These tings dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow ill bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." --Matthew 6:31-34

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." --Philippians 4:6-7

1 comment:

Amy said...

I am right there with you!!