A Slave to Selfishness

Today I've been convicted of my arrogance; it seems I am a slave to selfishness and it's keeping me up late tonight as I wrestle with where to go from here. Here's a summary of my convictions throughout the day:

Morning: During my quiet time I found myself drawn to John 3:30--"He must become greater; I must become less." I kept thinking about how selfish I have been lately--striving for worldly success and accolades within my career enough that I've made God second in my life. I prayed this morning that I would make much of God this week, that I would focus less on myself and more on God.

Lunch: At FCA, Shane (our leader), preached on why we were made: to bring glory to God. He focused on Isaiah 43: 7 "...everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." We can't do anything to make God look better--He's already perfect, but we can do our best to magnify Him and make much of Him.

Evening: I wasted my time reading stupid crap on Facebook, checking my school email, etc. I knew I should take advantage of the down time to study God's word more...but I didn't. I made a decision to just push God off....again. Finally when I settled in for bed, I cracked open Crazy Love, the book Nate and I are currently reading. And here's what jumped out to me tonight:

"When I am consumed by my problems--stressed out about my life, my family, and my job-- I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice [Phil. 4:4]. In other words, that I have a 'right' to disobey God because the magnitude of my responsibilities" (Chan).

And a little later Chan writes,"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."

For too long to even count the number of weeks or months I've shoved God off because of the "magnitude of my responsibilities;" my life has reeked of arrogance. Sure, I've read my Bible, done the obligatory quiet time, attended church, prayed a few times a day---but when I compare the amount of time and effort I put into my job to the amount of time and effort I put into my walk with God, into fulfilling my purpose to bring glory to Him--I am embarrassed and ashamed.

Chan emphasizes the point Shane made at lunch today:

"The point of your life is to point to Him. Whatever you are doing, God wants to be glorified, because this whole thing is His. It is His movie, His world, His gift." [Isaiah 43:7, 1 Cor. 10:31]

So...I've got some decisions to make, some changes that need to happen. This isn't going to be a walk in the park....but it has to be done; I've wasted too much time being arrogant. It's time to quit living for myself and start living to make much of Him.