Who Am I Fooling?

Today and tomorrow I do not have school due to spring break :) It is a much needed break! I thought I would take the time to spend some good quality time in the Word. I don't crack my bible open much, I usually listen to an audio bible on the way to school....so it was nice to actually get to read for a chance. Anyway...I knew wanted to read some scripture on God's promises. So, I googled "verses on God's promises" and this search gave me a good start to begin looking for specific verses. One piece of scripture the search revealed was a passage from 1 Kings...I have never read 1 Kings before, so I turned to this one first. I came upon a verse that I really needed. I love how God reveals just the perfect verse!

“Let your heart therefore be loyal to the Lord our God, to walk in His statutes and keep His commandments as at this day.” -1 Kings 8:61

Like I posted last week, my bible has excellent footnotes which I rely on to help me understand difficult passages. The compilers/editors of my bible wrote:

Steps to Dynamic Devotion: Make no mistake about it: God gives special recognition to those whose hearts are wholly His. To believe that casual devotion to God is as blessed as whole-hearted devotion is self-deception.
-AND-
Be assured that the Lord's promises are for those whose hearts are fully committed to Him and His ways. Examine yourself for any lukewarmness you need to confess.

After reading all of this, I felt so convicted. I immediately thought, 'who are you fooling?' My heart has NOT been centered on Christ and on His power. I've prayed quite frequently the last few months, but my prayers and my heart have been so self-centered. I've been so focused on wanting my will to come true, not God's. I have led a life of casual devotion to God. Yesterday I had a breakdown...I was so hopeless and was hurting so badly...I have never had as much inner anguish as I had last night. But after reading and praying today, it feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It is now that I need to fully commit my heart to Him and His ways because He is worthy of a committed heart. This is a simple truth that I should know...how blinded we can be when we consume ourselves with ourselves. Praise God for His grace.