5 Things I Hate

Note: Most of this post should be read with an air of sarcasm, so snap on your snarky pants before reading on....

I know, you're probably thinking that I am a HUGE pessimist right now for making a list of the things I strongly dislike. And maybe I am, or maybe I'm smart because the simple act of identifying these will help you to be a better friend to me because, it's all about me...I'm a millennial, you know. Plus, I've written a few posts on things I love, so....it's only natural to anchor those with a list of things that disgust me. Thus, a list of five things I currently hate:


1. Mean adults. I know everyone can fall victim to the grumps on occasion, but I'm talking about consistent mean behavior from folks old enough to freaking know better. The kind who lambaste grieving parents of a 2 year-old tragically snatched by an alligator while on a family vacation. The kind who troll the interwebs and tear apart a stranger over an article or social media post. The kind who forget that there are PEOPLE on the other side of a computer or a customer-service exchange.

Look carefully. That is a PERSON behind the computer screen! 

2. The smell of burnt coffee...and pee...and browning bananas. There are no worse smells. I would much rather smell my 7 year-old son after an hour of eating beans and playing outside in the hot Midwestern summer than smell pee. I dare you to try and give me a cup of burnt coffee. I promise you that I will throw the cup down, mutter a mostly incomprehensible phrase, and then slap you. And browning bananas?!? Seriously--why does something that tastes so good in muffins and smoothies have to smell like this?! GET IT TOGETHER BROWNING BANANAS.

2. Faulty logic. In my job as a writing teacher, I encourage students daily to make valid arguments using sound logic. For example, if you eat pizza one day and puke after eating it, it does not mean you are allergic to pizza--THANK GOD. There are other surrounding circumstances to take into consideration. Faulty logic can be a slippery slope (see what I did there rhetoricians?!?) to stereotyping, assigning one characteristic to an entire group of people. This kind of thinking has gotten us to where we are today in so many unfortunate situations (cough...cough...D. Trump).

3. Hearing other people sneeze. I love sneezing, but every time I hear a person sneeze, my insides flip. One sneeze is mildly acceptable, but if you (like my dear children) sneeze multiple times in one shot--you had better get the hell away from me. My kids are incredibly prone to seasonal allergies (we should've registered for mega packs of Kleenex when we adopted them), and they have discovered my disdain for sneezing. J is notorious for juicy-sneezing at least 700 times in a row. And each time he sneezes, he looks at me and LAUGHS. He thinks it's hilarious. I'm pretty sure he is the only person who can will himself to sneeze.

4. Blatant hypocrisy. Again, we are a flawed people, so we will all exercise hypocrisy at some point in our lives (I am guilty for sure). What I hate are blatant and consistent forms of hypocrisy, especially from Christians. A good friend of mine told me a story from her waitressing days about how a customer tried talking with her about Jesus. After she told him she wasn't interested, he stiffed her on the tip. Of course, there may have been circumstances surrounding the stiffed tip--but as Christians, we are called to a different standard of life. We are called to love others even when it's hard or is unjustified because that is EXACTLY what Christ did for us (Romans 5:8). This is HARD. I get it wrong all the time.

5. Waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes. I can't do a damn thing until those dishes are done. I can't make coffee because there's no room in the sink to fill my coffee pot with water. I can't feed my kids breakfast because they'll be done with their plates soon and then there would be a TOWER of dirty dishes. If I don't see the dishes before I ready myself for the day, then I am usually fine. But the deal is off if I see them before I've showered for the day. Life CANNOT move on until those dishes are clean because the world will surely explode if they don't get done immediately.

I will end with a brief list of the things I love (not people...there are lots of people I love more than things, but listing them might be weird and alienating): fruity/sour/chewy candy, NPR, reading, sleeping in, coffee, water, Grumpy Cat, cucumbers, watermelon, bacon, being outside (only when the temperature is agreeable), the Pacific Northwest, and beer. The truth is, along with the list of things we love, we all have a list of things we can't stand because that's life. There can't be good without the bad; there's no light without darkness. So what's on your list? What are some things that make your skin crawl? Leave a list in the comments section--it might be fun to read these later :)