The end of my leave

Today was my first day back to work since March 7th...it was very, VERY hard to go back. In fact, I teared up as I organized my cart early this morning to head in to my first class. In the three weeks I was off, one week was spring break including Jonathan's tonsillectomy. The last two weeks I've had the freedom to keep Jonathan home from school, take him late, or pick him up early. What I appreciated most about my leave was how relaxed I felt when Jonathan came home from school. I did not feel overwhelmed with the burden of ungraded papers looming over my head; the frustration of ungrateful students did not knot up in my shoulders. When Jonathan came home from school, I was ready to play, ready to parent. I haven't felt that energized since Jonathan moved in last July.

I love my job, but I don't love that it sucks much of what I have out of me leaving very little for my family. During my time off, I found myself wondering how much better of a parent I could be without the stress of teaching full time. I also know this year I'm not near the teacher I was before we had a kid. I'm a type A person; it's difficult to feel that I'm doing a half-assed job at everything.

I'm trying not to dwell on these things too much during my first week back. There are 8 weeks left in the school year, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel...hopefully no nervous breakdowns will happen between now and then...

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