Changes on the horizon

Well, after praying and struggling for a few months, I decided to hand in my resignation from Gretna Public Schools last week. It was a tough decision because the district, administration, teachers, and students are all incredible. So why the decision?

First, Nate and I start our 10 week foster training on Tuesday. We're hoping to adopt children from the Nebraska Heart Gallery program who are currently available for adoption. We'd like to open ourselves up to adopting sibling sets--so two to three (or four?!) children. Even if an adoption doesn't work out, we'd like to foster up to three kids at a time. Going from zero to three or four children will take time that I don't have with my current job as an English teacher in Gretna. I can barely manage taking care of the little family I have and maintain my career now. I love teaching, but I've dreamed of being a mom for nearly seven years (since Nate and I married), and I don't want to feel divided. I want whatever children we have in our home to be one of my top priorities. Since we cannot afford for me to stay home full-time, I've decided that if some of the applications I have out for Instructional Facilitator/Coach jobs in the Metro area don't work out, I'll substitute teach until we are accustomed to our sudden change in lifestyle.

Secondly, I think I need to step away from teaching English even if it's just for a short time. I know I'm early in my career, but I think I pushed it too hard too quickly. I'm sure my crazy personal life (infertility, failed adoption, etc) hasn't helped, but this year my love for teaching has diminished more than I'd like it to. I find myself being a bit cynical, and that frightens me.

Initially I worried and stressed about this decision. I didn't sleep well for many nights and felt physically sick as I grappled with whether to stay or leave. Now that it's all said and done, I feel relieved.

Our lives could look very different by late summer. We sold our home in Ogallala a few weeks ago and began our search for a new home in Omaha this week. We're praying that it's finally time for us to grow our family. Nate and I are anxious to be parents; we really just want to love kids and provide them with a stable family. Hopefully it will be our turn very soon!

If you're the praying kind, here are a few requests:

• We're searching for a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 2 car garage home in a safe neighborhood that's not more than a 15 minute commute for Nate to work that's $150,000 or less....pretty specific, right? Yeah, we know! There aren't a ton of options that meet our requirements, but we have found a few. It's been a tough process because though Nate and I are similar in a lot of ways, we seem to be running into some conflict with this process. Pray we'd be patient and understanding with each other, and pray that we'd be wise. We'd like to be into a house by early June.
• Now more than ever we both want kids so badly that it hurts (check out Nate's blog for his thoughts). Pray that God would settle our hearts and cause us to seek shelter in His love and promises. Pray that we'd not be controlled by this anxiety. The agency we're working with has a website with photos and descriptions of kids who are available for adoption, and I look at it every day...I'm starting to get attached to certain kids, so pray we'd keep our hearts guarded. The other night before we drifted to sleep, I whispered to Nate that I was scared we'd have another failed placement. My heart is still fragile from our last one; I know I couldn't handle another.