Our Failed Adoption Story

I'm struggling with where to start when sharing our story. I guess I'll begin by saying that we are sharing this story in order to relate to others who may be experiencing a similar struggle because there's a strange comfort in shared circumstances.

In mid-May our caseworker called with the news we had been waiting almost a year to hear: a birth-mom picked our profile; she wanted to meet us. We met her that next week and continued to build a relationship with her and her family throughout the summer. Her beautiful baby boy was born July 1st. Due to certain circumstances, the baby was placed in newborn care through our agency while we had to wait 30 days for an adoption to be finalized.

We maintained good contact with birth-mom, and in mid-July she requested that we meet her and the baby at our agency's office in Lincoln just to spend time together. It was the first time we saw him. He was perfect. Quiet, a head full of dark hair, and perfect mocha colored skin. We spent two hours holding him, talking with our birth-mom, and snapping photos. We excitedly told our immediate families and just a few close friends. A few weeks later we visited the agency again, this time to hang out with our birth-mom, the baby, and some of her family. We knew we still had a week left to wait, so we tried to keep our hearts guarded as much as possible. But it is hard to remain guarded with a beautiful baby boy sleeping in your arms who was soon to be ours.

It seemed as if our dreams of growing our family were about to come true. We picked out a name, completed a baby registry online, called daycares to arrange for child care since school was just around the corner. On day 31, August 1st, we were scheduled to pick up the baby who was to be our son. We didn't have a time nailed down because the agency couldn't reach our birth-mom to schedule the time. So we waited anxiously by the phone for our caseworker to give us the go ahead to depart for Lincoln. At 4:00 we got that call, but it was to let us know there had been some hitches with our birth-mom. She ran into some trouble with the law. We'd have to wait until tomorrow when her caseworker could meet with her. So, we waited.

A few days passed and still a caseworker was unable to meet with our birth-mom for various reasons. A week went by, then two, then three. No progress was made. Our agency did what they could, but could not obtain a signature from our birth-mom for the adoption to be finalized. On September 2nd we got final word that an adoption would not be happening. The agency would continue to provide care for the baby for an undefined amount of time, and we were back to square one.

Last week on our way to our nephew's birthday party I deleted the last pictures of us and the baby from my phone. It was a difficult moment as I grappled with the reality that this baby had no permanent home and we were still childless. Tears fell on my phone as I hit the trash icon and watched the photo of Nate holding the baby we thought would be our son disappear.

I've spent a lot of time in prayer the past few weeks praying for the future of this baby, our birth-mom, and for peace. We've been blessed by the church we've been attending here in Omaha; each sermon we've heard in the past three weeks has helped heal our broken hearts. We've been studying the life of David; today we focused on David's run-arounds with Saul who tried to kill him multiple times. We looked at David's response to this (Psalm 59), and the pastor ended today by reminding us that God does not waste suffering, trials, or challenges. God's desire is to lead us to something better. If we're honest, we don't like to accept that our hopes and dreams are not God's hopes and dreams. But David wanted what God wanted. I needed this sermon today because I think I've been too attached to the idea of becoming a mother to this little boy. I think I've wanted that more than I've wanted God.

Next week we'll submit a revised profile letter to the agency and we'll be placed on the list again of available adoptive parents. It's tough to go back on that list, but my prayer is that God would help us keep our eyes focused on Him no matter the outcome.


Heart's Cry said...

I'm so sad right now. And yet I know that God is an amazing God and is looking over you and this baby. My friend Jenny just went through this. I'm amazed by you and your willingness to love and hope and persevere. 6

Erin said...

Oh Danielle and Nate...this has got to be incredibly hard. I've been away from blogs for quite a time, but you two haven't left my thoughts. Just got on today to see this story. So glad you feel God's comfort of you right now. He knows your tears and is accomplishing much in your hearts. Oh Danielle, he loves you so much. The pain in this world grieves him...thank you for being willing to step into the world of adoption. You are already there, pursuing His will for you even though it is crazy hard. I will, with renewed passion, continue to pray for you both. - hugs - amy's friend, erin m.

Jennifer said...

I blog about a failed adoption too, one where we had the baby home for 3 weeks.