Finding my female identity

Tonight I went to "So That" our women's ministry group at church. A woman from church called me last night to invite me to come and talk about my experiences in Poland at the women's ministry group that meets once a month. I dread these invitations. But before you get all hot and bothered, let me explain. I am not a typical female--and I sort of take pride in that. I have never been into girly things--when I was younger I dressed in boy clothes and tried several times (without success) to pee standing up, makeup is not my best friend, the color pink makes my head hurt, I don't like having my nails painted, and I dislike shopping. In high school I generally gravitated towards male friends because I couldn't stand the drama that my female counterparts often exhibited. I kept up this behavior into college, and now--at the age of 24--I find myself with only a handful of close female friends who I can share my dirty laundry with. Being around females is hard for me because it's out of my comfort zone--it's unfamiliar territory. So I avoid female gatherings. As humans, we tend to avoid what makes us uncomfortable.

But tonight as I sat and listened to other women share their experiences in Poland (we had five other New Hope gals serve in another part of Poland this summer), and as I talked with some of the women in attendance--I felt a sort of bond. Once I got past the initial awkwardness and hyperawareness that I was around so many females, I slowly began to feel comfortable. I am realizing the benefit of stepping out of my safe bubble in order to form relationships (I have come to realize this summer that relationships are often the foundation for fellowship in Christ--but that's another blog post!). Women can be a powerful breed of people when united under once cause--and that excites me. So one of my many goals this year is stretch myself to connect with more women--I guess I'm finally sort of finding my female identity....

1 comment:

Jill Max said...

I love your thoughts in this blog. You made me literally laugh out loud (hmm, where does Conner get it???) I laugh because it sounds so familiar. I used to tell people my name was Joe and I had a football/baseball card collection that could put anyone's to shame. I always played on the boy's team - even when it was boys v.s. girls. I was going to be the first professional female football player, and I find myself more comfortable talking with the guys in a group rather than the girls. I have, however, found that the older I get, the more I do need relationships with other women too. Guys make pretty good buddies, but gals can offer a pretty good prospective on things close to the heart. Good luck on your search.