How He Loves: Part 1

Today was a rough day. We visited with a doctor in North Platte today about infertility--it looks like we have one more procedure that we would be willing to try out. Nate and I went on a long walk tonight to really dissect the situation and both agreed that we need to fervently pray for God's timing and for a sense of peace. We have got to saturate our situation in prayer. A friend sent me this verse today that I think really justifies this need for intense prayer:

“And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off ? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly…” Luke 18:7-8

So as I slowly recovered from the long day, I picked up my guitar and felt the need to sing "How He Loves," originally written by John Mark McMillan but perhaps made famous by The David Crowder Band. I remember hearing the DCB version of it on my way to work one morning and I instantly fell into a natural state of worship. But as I played through the song tonight the first verse hit me.

"How he Loves"

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions are for me

First off, I am really feeling God's love and presence during this stage in my life. I didn't always feel this way--for a while I was bitter towards God. I wondered why he withhold something so great as children from me. But as I've poured over scripture, worshipped, and talked with great friends I am realizing He is present. I am "bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy." And suddenly I am aware of how much glory and praise can come from this situation. I'm still experiencing a lot of true heartache--a pain I've never felt before--but I can praise Him for all He's taught me (empathy, compassion, to appreciate what He HAS given us, understanding, PATIENCE, how to truly love a person, that my value does not lie in my ability to procreate) and all He's done in this situation (He's showed me so much grace, given me strength to get through some of the roughest times in my life, brought my husband and I closer than we've ever been before). Tonight I am realizing "how great His afflictions are for me."